Here they are. My pride and joy. My balls.
But before we get into my balls... I have another tangent to go off on. Last week we started a dictionary of Football Fashion Acronyms. We gave a few examples of acronyms and sniglets that come up in everyday life. Got another one. I was watching some life sucking, time wasting TV the other night and one of those dopey cosmetic surgery programs featured a guy who grew breasts and wanted them removed. My significant other said "Look, he's got man boobs... he's got Moobs". And just like that there we have it, another winner... Moobs
So how do I smash this square peg of a sniglet into the round hole of our topic? Well lets face it, ever since the Cowboys of the nineties started finding these monster 300 pound plus linemen that could haul all that beef in a timely fashion, the days of the all svelte, all cut football team went the way of the Dodo. In spite of the incredibly demanding nature of the game, all rosters now sport players with guts that spill over their belts and as sure as the price of stadium beer going up every year, whenever you have that kind of gut your going to find the occasional set of Moobs. Ironic eh? In one of the most manly of games there are now Moobs in locker rooms in both conferences and across every division.
Our running backs look like super heros with physiques chiseled out of marble and yet every one of them depends on group of Moob-totin' behemoths to get past the line of scrimmage. And unllike the Moob sportin' geek at your local gym who you can taunt and deride at will if you feel so inclined, these Moob haulers could out run you, me, and the local high school track team and turn us into blubbering nancy boys pleading for mercy with just a furrow of the brow.
Just goes to show.
Show what? damned if I know but I know you won't catch me making jokes about the "bro" when an O-lineman is within earshot.
So back to my balls.
We'll start with this picture taken from the left so I can give you the rundown left to right starting on the top shelf. I have several more balls than those pictured here but these are my first teamers.
Ball 1. A Wilson Ultra grip, official size composite leather ball with standard laces. This is a great everyday ball. The composite leather really does make it easier to grip and throw and it is aesthetically close enough to a game ball to make it onto first team display. It also stands up well for kicking.
Ball 2. This is the only non-official size ball to make it onto the display shelf. A Wilson junior sized ball which, except for the downsize is identical to ball one. It's great fun to throw this ball as the tackified surface and smaller dimensions make it really fun to throw and really easy to throw a tight spiral with. I like to think that throwing this ball is what it must be like for the pros when they throw the regulation size ball with their larger than normal hands. This one also has standard laces.
Ball 3. This is Wilsons super-duper composite ball which except for a few cosmetic differences is also identical to Ball 1. The real difference is the raised composite laces. After trying it for a while, I gotta say I'm not sold. The laces are black and thicker than normal with a pebble grain surfacing. While you can get more of a finger grip with these it just doesn't seem like enough of an advantage to make it worth the wierdness of the whole thing. Aslo when you catch a good spiral those raised spinning laces can catch at your fingers.
Ball 4. (fill in your joke here) A Wilson commemorative platinum ball. Got it on e-bay so long ago I can't remember what it commemorates but it's standard sized, looks cool, starts conversations, has a tackified surface and standard laces. It too sports black laces but of the standard variety. A good all around ball.
Ball 5.The official Tagliabue era NFL leather game ball. This, for my money, is the most beautiful model ever used on a gridiron. With it's prominent gold Wilson logo spinning in the sun against a blue sky or the beautiful azure gridiron, it brings a tear to my eye. Standard lacing, pebble grain and dripping with a glorious tradition of violence in the name of sport... it is the gold standard in my eyes. This one has seen quite a bit of use and was even left out in the elements for two weeks after it was lost in the woods behind the goalposts at the local field after a kicking session. Still it endures, bloodied but unbowed. However I've decided to get a new one and use it only for display so admirers can see how it matches up to the newest one when fresh.
Ball 6. A rarity indeed! This is the current NFL game ball, the new Duke. However it was purchased immediately after release and as such sports the Tagliabue signature as opposed to the current Godell John Hancock. As you might have guessed I'm not that much of a fan of the re-design. The marketing boys down at league HQ have lost their minds putting the NFL logo on every garment, piece of field equipment, mascot, imaginable. When the it's everywhere it just loses its impact and becomes annoying. I wish I could walk down a hall at the league office and find the man in charge of this ridiculous overkill and give him a good slap. They should have gone back to the original Duke design or some facsimile thereof.
Ball 7. Wilson official NCAA ball. Same or similar specs as the pro ball but with half stripes. A nice classic look and a great ball. Other models come with the "grip stipes" to reduce fumbling from the slickness of the white paint of the stripes but not the game balls. Yet. This is one area where an innovation deserves to make it onto the official ball. Reducing fumbles caused by the stripes is a fair and worthy goal.
Ball 8. Spalding. The XFL ball ! A worthy addition to the collection and always fun to pull down and toss around. A little more of a slick feel as compared to the Wilsons but a quick lick of the fingertips before a throw does the trick. The XFL sucked but I like the ball.
Ball 9. An autograph ball that came with one of the Game balls as a package set. I don't collect autographs but I like the ball. Nice coloring and the plastic finish of the ball makes it very easy to grip and throw... when dry. If it gets wet, you can't hold it.
Ball 10. A Nike ball. Interesting only because its different. It's got a leather or psuedo leather cover but has rubber seams and a more elogated shape... or rather reduced girth. Any cheerleader worth her pom poms will tell you is not a good thing. It's not easy to throw a spiral with this one, but it looks good on display.
Ball 11. An Arena 2 ball. Kind of a change up here because this is a Wilson while the Arena1 ball is made by Spalding. Unfortunately the Arena 1 ball doesn't hold air right now but I have a bladder and lace replacement kit on the way. But the Arena 2 ball is a nice one, identical to an NFL game ball in all but the markings.
Ball 12. The Duke. An original from way back. Its restoration is the subject of one of my early columns. Bought on e-bay when it wouldn't hold air and lovingly restored to functional glory. This one is my favorite and fullfilled a longstanding desire to own a Duke
As I said I have a bunch of others including the official High School models right down to the little kid ones and every one has it's own charm and handling charactaristics. They will eventually be put alongside the others but right now I'm short of display tee's. It's always something.
Someday I hope to have an AFL ball, a Rozelle era game ball, and maybe even a WFL ball. Of course now that theres a womens lingerie league, I'm waiting with great anticipation to see if they come up with a league specific ball. Hell, I'd even like to have one of those watermelon balls from back in the Canton bulldog era. I love my growing collection and the memories it evokes. I also love showing them off to guys who appreciate such stuff.
One never tires of having ones balls admired.... or beating a joke to death.
Ken
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